The Golden Girls

Thank you For Bein' a Friend

Anyone who was alive in the late 80's should know the basic setup of The Golden Girls. Three older women, played by Bea Arthur, Betty White, and Rue McClanahan portray Dorothy, Rose, and Blance (a divorcee and two widows respectively). These seniors live in a house in Miami and help work through life's problems together. They are accompanied by Sophia (Estelle Getty), Dorothy's no-nonsense and senile mother.

I have only watched this show in passing while growing up, but I became a bit more aware of it when I was turned onto The Golden Girls Drinking Game in college. Let's just say that I ended up not remember too much about the show after a few of those sessions, so I went into The Golden Girls pilot pretty fresh this morning.





FIRST LINE OF THE GOLDEN GIRLS:

Dorothy, to Coco- "I taught a class today, the finest school in Dade County. Two girls had shaved heads and three boys had green hair"



FINAL LINE OF THE GOLDEN GIRLS:

Dorothy, to Blanche, Rose, and Sophia- "You'll always be my sisters. Always."


The Engagement (Pilot)
Aired September 14th, 1985

The first episode kicks off with Dorothy coming home from a school where she substitute teaches and complains to the house's gay chef Coco (more on him later) about "kids these days" having shaved heads and dyed hair. It's pretty standard fare, even if it plays off as a little strange because these practices have become commonplace in the aughts. Blanche is shown to be the straight woman character, noticing and pointing out all the nonsense she sees in this pilot.

One thing the show also had that I never remembered was the flamboyantly gay chef of the house named Coco (seen below making enchiladas for the ladies). It's a relatively sympathetic (maybe even daring?) look at a gay man in the mid 80's, something that had to be relatively new to television in the time.

The "fancy man"

After Dorothy's exchange with Coco, Rose comes home. She is the ditz of the gang, and she also works as a grief counselor by day.  Her introduction is brief and is kept to a short joke about how all she sees is sad people, prompting Dorothy to say "Rose, you work in grief counseling. What do you expect, comedians!?"

Blanche is next to be introduced, getting ready for a date with a man named Harry. This prompts Dorothy to wax reminiscent about her fading youth in the form of a story about relating to younger women and then realizing how out of touch she actually was. It was a surprisingly emotional moment from a network sitcom. Blanche then returns to the kitchen and says that Harry, a man she has only been dating for a week, has proposed to her. This is the conflict of the episode; both Dorothy and Rose live in Blanche's house and would be out on the street if she were to wed.

Before Harry arrives to escort Blanche out to dinner, Sophia shows up after her retirement community burned to the ground (there is no mention of other survivors).

Sophia's Homecoming

Of the few times that I've watched this show, it was always Sophia and her "say anything" demeanor that I found the most humorous of the show, and they waste no time getting to the zingers. On kind of a morbid note, it is explained by Blanche that the reason Sophia says such morbid and offensive things is that she suffered a debilitating stroke that removed the part of the brain that censors what she says. So, along with the first openly gay character I can think of on a sitcom, The Golden Girls also has the pleasure of being one of the first shows where a stroke victim is played up for comedic effect.

There is something disarmingly hilarious about an older lady saying outlandish things (something that Betty White has been milking for the past few years on shows like Off Their Rockers and Hot In Cleveland). For instance, when that Sophia speaks to a gussied up Blanche in the episode, her first words to her are "You look like a prostitute!", much to the live audience's and my own personal amusement. It's easy to see how Sophia became something of a breakout character on the show. She also refers to Coco as "the fancy man", which seems like a much nicer euphemism for homosexuals than I've seen on other mediums.

Harry soon arrives and escorts Blanche away on their date, and Rose and Dorothy get into the premise of the show.  It is found out that Dorothy and Rose answered an ad in a grocery store reader about renting rooms in Blanche's house, and that all have grown children that seemingly don't care about their mothers.

After Blanche gets back from her date, she informs the gang that she did indeed accept Harry's proposal and that the wedding is to take place next weeks, because, "At our age, long engagements just don't make sense!" After one more joke about Sophia peeing the bed every morning, the show cuts to commercial.

The pilot then rushes to the day of Blanche's wedding, and Rose has developed a strange suspicion of Harry out of nowhere. This is a plot development I would have expected to be peppered through Rose's earlier scenes, but it just sprang up out of nowhere. The good thing is that it leads up to a great scene where Dorothy, happy for her friend Blanche on her big day, keeps having to shush up Rose in order to not ruin the wedding. This even leads to some physical comedy between the three girls (notice Rose in a mean headlock)

That's a pretty masculine grip. Remind me never to fuck with Bea Arthur

Downstairs, Harry is a no show and the priest is getting ready to leave (because there are so many funerals in Miami, yuk yuk yuk). There is another ring of the doorbell, making a total of three times this episode, and it turns out to be  a policeman. It turns out that Harry is a bigamist and was arrested.  I figured something like this had to happen, as it's well known that this show last for quite a while, and none of the characters are married.

After the final commercial break, the show opens back up a few weeks later and Dorothy arrives home from work to greet Rose and Sophia on the back porch. The first thing she does is make sure that her mother is still alive in the most old-timey way possible

The old mirror to the nose gag

Blanche has been depressed for the past three weeks (we also find out that she works in a museum and that it is somehow okie dokie for museum employees to miss work for three weeks), and that she is finally starting to feel better because she hums or something. They then hug and vow to stick together forever, or at least for the next 106 episodes and failed spinoff.

BFF's

One last note about Coco. In the end of the episode, Sophia takes him out to the horsetrack and he subsequently never shows back up for the rest of the series because the writers didn't know if they could get away with a gay character. Coupled with the nursing home fire, I don't know if Sophia is telling us everything...

Best Lines

Dorothy, telling the story about how her husband left her- "He left me for a stewardess that he met on a business trip in Hawaii.  It was her first flight. They said 'On arrival, give the passengers a lei.' She got confused, he got lucky, and now they both live on Maui."

Sophia, on death- "When I go, put me in a steel sack and leave me on the curb next to the cans!"





One Flew Out of the Cuckoo's Nest (Parts 1 & 2)
Airdate: May 9th, 1992


The first thing I notice during the finale of The Golden Girls is the introduction. Most television series recut their intros to feature scenes that happen throughout the series run. The Golden Girls largely has the same opening titles, even featuring scenes that happened all the way back in the pilot. Also, during the opening credits, a name caught my eye. The writer of the final 20 minutes of The Golden Girls was none other than Arrested Development (and a wide variety of terrible shows that only got on the air because of Arrested Development), Mitchell Hurwitz

Let the puns and callbacks begin!

This two part finale kicks off with a scheme by Blanche to have a one night stand with a man while her uncle Louis (played impressively by Leslie Nielson) has intentions of visiting her.  Blanche convinces both her uncle and Dorothy that they would be perfect for each other and sets a blind date at a seafood restaurant. Dorothy and  Louise quickly figure out the con and plan their revenge on Blanche by staging romance to anger her. Also, they hatch this plot while wearing these ridiculous bibs.

Classic Hurwitz!

Like I said, Leslie Nielson is great in the role. Even playing a southern gentleman and uncle of Blanche, I can accept him having a Canadian accent. He was just a good comedic and dramatic actor who had a much more expansive range than fans of just Airplane or Naked Gun would care to recognize.

After dinner, Louis and Dorothy express their love for each other in front of Blanche in order to further anger her. The writing is a lot more snappy than in the pilot. Additionally, Sophia has started calling Dorothy "Pussycat" as a nickname, something that wasn't in the pilot at all. Louis eventually stages a mock proposal to Dorothy, who instantly accepts, much to Blanche's dismay at her new aunt.

Rose - "I think he's asking her out again!"

After the commercial break, Dorothy and Louis are canoodling on the couch for some physical comedy, and Rose is being ditzy. Sophia is instantly for the marriage once she learns of Louis' wealth, going so far as to dress up like a caricature of a black slave in order to impress him during dinner the next day.

"Corn bones, collard greens, succotash, and dems just tha appetizas!"

Eventually Blanche freaks out and the fiances decide to break up "sometime in between the succotash and the mess o' sumpthin" during dinner in order to not hurt her any further. But before that can happen, Blanche overhears Louis' confession of true love that he has had with Dorothy during this ruse, she praises their relationship and wishes them all the best. This leads to the real proposal

"Will you marry me..... for real?"

This brings us to the close of part one of the finale. It was much more of a classic Golden Girls episode without too much sentimental goodbyes, but rest assured, those come in part two.

The finale episode begins two months later, with Louis and Dorothy kissing in the living room and talking about saying goodbye to their old friends. Rose and Blanche say the first of many goodbyes that happen in this episode, and the tears are flowing within the first three minutes.

One of the good recurring jokes during this finale was the sex life between Dorothy and Louis. When asked about how the sex was between them, Dorothy replies "SO GOOD WE NAMED IT!". It is called back multiple times through the episode and ends with the sex being humorously named "Freddy Peterson." 

On the back porch, Rose, Sophia, and Blanche talk about their future lives after Dorothy's wedding, and Rose agrees to stay living with Blanche. They all console each other and there are very few laughs.  After Blanche and Rose head to bed, Sophia gets sentimental for once and shows that she actually does love them.

Awwwwwwwwwwwwww

The next morning, Dorothy is ready to leave for a wedding and is picked up by a limo. She starts to think something is amiss when the driver starts going the wrong way and he turns out to be her ex husband.

Dorothy appears to be none too impressed...

Dorothy's ex husband is angry that he wasn't invited to the wedding and ended up getting the limo ride for her as a gift.  They both make amends with each other and admit that they will always miss each other in some way for the rest of their lives. It's a pretty emotional speech, and then it's off to the wedding ceremony.

The wedding scene opens by cutting through each of the main characters' internal monologues. It's a sympathetic and funny technique that is used well, especially Rose singing "Hi Ho The Merry Oh" to herself during the entire proceedings. Oh, and Earl Boen from Terminator 1, 2, and 3 shows up as the priest of the ceremony.

He seems happy for the work

So Dorothy gets married to a character that the audience met only 35 minutes ago, but it is still a surprisingly effective relationship. I feel like I know enough about Louis to send Dorothy off with him. While this might not be the finale to make me cry the most, I was never not entertained during this scene. 

Guest starring: Earl Boen's receding hairline

After the wedding, Dorothy and Sophia have a final one on one goodbye while she is packing the last of her things for the honeymoon. It was nice to show the more sympathetic side of Sophia in those final scenes, even if it was totally out of her character. 

The last scene of the sitcom takes place in the place these women have spent the most of their time, in the living room, which I should point out, has gone through some extensive renovations in the past 106 episodes.    Louis takes the last of Dorothy's bags to the cars and Dorothy gives Blanche, Rose, and Sophia not one, but three separate goodbye hugs over the course of 3 minutes. It was a good bit and I'm sure that fans of the show appreciated it. After Dorothy finally leaves, the three remaining Girls all cry in each others' arms. It's actually kind of a downer, if only Coco could be there to experience it. 

RIP Coco

As a series finale, I don't recall this one ever being praised too highly, but it's never on the "Worst of Lists" that I see. It was a passable effort by some talented people, and seemed to have left a pleasant taste in everyone's mouths. I had no major issues with it. Also, it isn't strange that both The Golden Girls and Dexter take place in the same city?

Best Lines

Blanche- "Dorothy, have I got a man for you!"
Dorothy- "No thanks. Already had one."

Dorothy- "Women like me just don't grow on trees."
Sophia- "That's too bad, we could really use the shade!"

Sophia- "Ingrid Bergman had Paris, my pussycat has crabs!"

Dorothy- "I haven't frolicked since the day I dropped my mother off at Shady Pines."

Louis- "Pussycat? Nobody's called me that since the navy."



Conclusion

What was the same?

Not a lot of shows dealt with the feeling of old age in the same way The Golden Girls did, and that was something that was present since Dorothy's monologue in episode one and carried through to the final episode.

What was different?

All of the characters were much more exaggerated. Rose was even more ditzy and stupid, Blanche was even more of a sexual dynamo, Sophia was more of a sassy mean old lady, and even Blanche played up her cynicism much more in the beginning of the last episodes. It is a common things with sitcom (see: The Simpsons) to have characters get more and more unrealistic and ridiculous throughout the years, but it's strange seeing it back to back like this.


Buy The Golden Girls on DVD